Saturday Night Special: In Defense of a Comedian

I’ll do this every once in a while, just a post here and there when I feel like writing, or when something in the news just plain pisses me off.  Sorry, a nightly return isn’t happening anytime soon, but since two of my friends started nightly blogs of their own (and both of them have an even higher workload than me), it’s not out of the question.  Now, to the special.

I’ve been accused of idolizing Jon Stewart by the sole reader of this blog, and probably the only one who will actually see this post.  And you know what, to a degree he may be correct.  I enjoy the man’s comedy.  I think he’s necessary.  Hell, I think he’s important, which he’s denied ever since becoming a comedian.  There are people who will never see that, those who watch their chosen network with religious attention and frown with contempt when it gets beat down by the two-man team from Comedy Central.  News flash.  That two-man team gives the most unbiased reporting of the news that exists, literally the only one I can find.  The next best thing is Time Magazine, but even that isn’t consistently unbiased and has the drawback of only appearing once a week.  So I watch those regular news networks with a grain of salt, and when I want to hear the truth I tune into the last place you would expect it and watch two men who have won Emmys for journalism… on comedy shows… at work.

Now why am I doing this?  Well there was an article in Esquire that I found online called ‘Jon Stewart and the Burden of History’.  It started out by describing the intense security process that Daily Show viewers have to undergo… and then seemingly justified it.  It then rambled about Stewart’s appearance on Crossfire.  What is that show you ask?  Exactly.  The popular consensus that Stewart’s appearance damned that show is deserved; he ripped the pair of anchors apart like the pieces of tissue paper they obviously were.  At one point one of those anchors said “I thought you were supposed to be funny.”  Stewart replied “No, I will not be your monkey.”  The article painted those hosts as victims, when really they deserved one hundred percent the beating they’d gotten.  Seriously, when you come out blatantly and tell something you expected him to just pull out a few benign laughs, and basically be your monkey, three minutes after asking why he didn’t ask more serious questions of a presidential candidate on a comedy show… you deserve every slap in the face he gives you.  That is the first sin of the article, painting Stewart as an attacker who destroyed a show because of arrogance while ignoring the obvious arrogance of those on that show.

The second sin was also about another clip of Stewart, this time on his show.  Jim Cramer, who was an analyst for CNBC (keyword was), and hosted a show where he gave financial advice catered to corporations and ripped off people… was again portrayed as one of Stewart’s doe-eyed victims.  Let me tell you, I’ve watched that interview as well.  Cramer even tried to bullshit Stewart once, and the comedian fired back with a clip bathing that shit in harsh white light.  In the end he tore apart Cramer and probably changed his career forever; the man is now an sports commentator for Florida International.  Once again Stewart is portrayed as the nasty, pompous bully beating down the innocents with a sledgehammer.  I saw something much different.  I saw a sane man quite calmly, seriously, and almost gently slicing another sane but deserving man apart.  It sounds terrible even when I put it that way, but to say that the man who in all likelihood lost people a lot of money was the victim… you clearly have never heard of Hammurabi’s Code.  It’s not law anymore, but in some ways an eye for an eye is more effective than a $25,000 fine for a $1,000,000 offense.

The third and final sin of this article was attacking Stewart himself for wanting to be more than a comedian.  After his interview with Juan Williams, Stewart asked the man who’d been fired from NPR for making a comment I don’t agree with but believe he had the right to say if he thought a 24-hour news network based on anti-corruption in politics could ever work.  So that’s the man’s vision.  He wants his own version of Fox News, only the writer of the article makes that seem like a crime against humanity.  If Jon Stewart, who generally tells the truth whether people want to hear it or now, wants to be like Roger Ailes (Fox’s president) and close out his last thirty or forty years as the head of a news network I say all the power to him.  He’s earned that right tenfold, and maybe it’s even time for him to stop insisting that he’s just a comedian when it’s so obvious that he’s more.  The first sign that he might be beginning to step out of that shell was the Rally to Restore Sanity last October when he came and delivered, among others, the honest line that “sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the promised land… it’s just New Jersey.  But we do it anyway, together.”  If that’s what this 24-hour network of his will preach… then I’ll be the first one watching.

Really, the article skates around it’s point.  That point?  That Jon Stewart is a pompous asshole and has always been a pompous asshole, but one that we used to forgive because he was funny.  Two comments.  He still is funny, very funny.  And Tom Junod, I can see you’re a talented writer, but this thinly-veiled personal attack makes you seem more like the pompous asshole than the man you’re trying to burn.  I’ll even go as far to say that, if this article was a source your article (a la Crossfire / the Cramer interview), Stewart would be painted as the victim and you would be the arrogant jerk attacking him for doing nothing at all.

Well, I think I’ve overstepped my bounds just a little bit, and my time constraints.  I’m posting this because I’m sure no one will read it… but even if they did I wouldn’t be upset.  There are things I believe in very strongly, and I’ve realized through the writing of this long, morose, and boring post that yeah, maybe I have come to idolize the man a little bit.

However, in my defense, I hardly think Jon Stewart is the worst person I could idolize.  I’ve seen lunkheads who idolize Li’l Wayne and Michael Vick.  Both of them are convicted felons.  There are people who idolize musicians and actors who on their weekends have sex with five different women and smoke pot for the remainder of their time.  I don’t think those are the people I should be idolizing.  But Jon Stewart?  Sure, he’s not the nicest guy in the world.  But why should that make a difference?  Actually, in the end, I’m not sure I’d want him to be.  He’s Jon Stewart and he tells the truth while also making it funny.  That’s why I love him.  Is he untouchable?  Yeah.  Will anyone ever tear him down?  I don’t think it’s possible.  Has he made himself a villain?  Not yet.  Will he?  I honestly can’t say.  In the end all that matters is that he is important, while the article I’ve taken so much time and energy to rebuke will eventually be lost in the same swill of internet junk.

#10 – Thursday: It Was Too Short…

It really was.  And I really am sorry to my one or two readers that I am going to disappoint once again in less than two months.  I can’t keep doing this, for exactly the same reason.  It’s taking up too much time away from what I want and need to do.  I’m also going to need to do some intensive computer maintenance over the next few days… and having to do one of these every night would just stress me out a little more than I need right now.  I’m also realizing that, for the first time, the teachers were telling the truth when they said we’d have more homework this year.  I’ve really only had any in two classes so far, none yet from AP Gov, and that alone took me until five o’clock today.  Then after that there were other things, to do, to watch, to write, things that take precedence to this.  So I’m going to say goodbye for the second time, but once again I’m saying it’s not for good.  I’ll be popping up here and there with posts, like the one I can guarantee will be coming on Sunday, so check every once in a while.  And if there comes a time when I feel like I can start the daily dose of Internet Junk up again, all of you will be the first to know.

Now I realize that sounded like the speech of a disappointed politician, telling people that he has failed while giving about twenty excuses excusing him of any blame for said failure.  I’m not trying to do that.  I just need a little relaxation that apparently didn’t come with summer.  I need to get used to school again.  I need to get better at rationing my time.  Maybe, once I finally get all that done, I’ll come back with this every night.  I did it for a month during school last year; there’s no reason why I can’t do it again.  I just need to acclimate to the new landscape (you know they say 10th grade is a bigger transition than 9th?), and get into a routine.  Once I get into it I can almost guarantee that I’ll be back and hopefully better than ever.  But until then… I’ll leave you with one last song.

SONG OF THE DAY: THE MESSENGER

Adios, for now.  And seriously, it’s been fun.

-Chris

#9 – Wednesday: I Remember Now…

…why I stopped doing this in the first place.  I have no time now, apparently as soon as summer ends I suddenly have five-hundred-million things to do.  Which is fine, if I remember to do this as soon as I get home from school.  However today after our tiny piece of Geometry homework and Spanish flash cards… I sat down and watched an old episode of NCIS.  Shows where my priorities are right?  Anyway, I’m going to try to do this earlier from now on, but if this continues and I start getting more work the blog may once again mysteriously go away… and this time it’ll be for good.

But that would kill me, because deep down I really do enjoy this, and that’s just something looming on the extremely distant horizon.  It’s like the final death-knell fall of the world’s economy.  According to the government (in this case, me), it’ll never happen.  What you realize… it’s a little more likely that the government says.  And that suspense keeps you watching… which is exactly the effect I’m hoping for.  See how that works.  Nice right?  Yeah, I know, that was all filler to waste half a page because I have nothing else on my mind.  Although… maybe I do. (to be continued about ten millimeters below…)

Well, yesterday night marked a two-week hiatus for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, the closest thing to true comic relief I ever have.  It’s also the only way, besides reading Time once a week, that I get news.  Everyone else it either too depressing or crazy.  But seriously, these guys are important; where would we be without satire?  You saw, in the weeks they weren’t here there was an earthquake and a hurricane up the east coast.  The last time a hurricane like that happened was nineteen years ago.  The last time of an earthquake that powerful hit the Eastern Seaboard, there was no Eastern Seaboard.  It was 1897.  You see their importance now?  Probably not.  But seriously watch their shows, at least their news will make you laugh.  Everyone else will make you cry.

SONG OF THE DAY: THE STATIC AGE

Because that is what we live in.  Goodnight.

#8 – Tuesday: Oh the Many Things That Annoy Me…

First off, all you hackers out there just having fun and stealing a bunch of game codes, then giving them out for free, thanks a lot.  Next time, go mess with your own lives instead of mine.  I’d appreciate it, and I’d also appreciate getting to keep the games I’ve spent about two hundred bucks on.  You know, instead of losing them because you have to give out a bunch of free codes and call them a ‘promotion’.  I swear, if I ever get the computer skills to hack the first thing I will do is hack every hacker (those that I’m not friends with) and then paste every detail of their lives on the Internet for everyone to see.  I think that would be fun for me, and it should be fun for them to be on the other side of the glass for once.

You know what else annoys me?  Tuesdays.  Useless days.  The only reason I even wake up on Tuesdays is for NCIS or (in the summer) Covert Affairs, and sometimes I’m tempted just to DVR them and sleep through the day.  Seriously.  Nothing good ever happens on Tuesdays.  They’re, hands down, the worst day of the week.  Even Mondays, for all their dreariness, are better than Tuesdays.  At least on Mondays you have some energy left over from the weekend; on Tuesday morning the last of that goes up in smoke.  What’s the best day of the week?  Saturday.  One, because I was born on a Saturday.  Two… for several other more-than-obvious reasons.  Do I even need to go into this any further?  I didn’t think so.

SONG OF THE DAY: BREAKING THE HABIT

You guessed it, more Linkin Park.  Anyway this is a great song; even Anthony admitted that it was good.  So enjoy, and goodnight.  Tell the bedbugs I said hello.

#7 – Monday: Deep Breaths Now

So. here goes my seventh post, making this a week since I started up again, and by now it feels like I never left.  I’m also remembering just why I stopped in the first place… but hopefully this will get better in the coming months.

Now, today is Labor Day and the unofficial end of summer.  Of course, my summer ended a week ago because someone thought it would be a good idea to come back in August.  Brilliant guys, just brilliant.  But anyway, school starts for real tomorrow, and I have a terrible feeling that I’m not quite ready.  Everything’s falling back to Earth… I just hope it doesn’t happen to fast.  But anyway, something interesting did happen today, which you will be notified of in three… two…

This morning I woke up and went downstairs for some breakfast.  What made this different than every other morning was that my dad had found a turtle (actually a tortoise, which we found out later), in the field behind our house.  I was then drafted to take it down to the creek I didn’t actually know existed by a path that I had never seen before this morning with my sister and her friend.  That first part went pretty well actually… even though I ran into a spiderweb… but there was no actual spider in it so that went pretty well.  The bad part was after we released the tortoise, which my sister named Felipe (don’t ask me), up on the embankment.  Someone (your’s truly), decided it would be a good idea to clean up the trash lying around the creek and put it in the bucket we’d used to hold to tortoise.  In the end, we picked up about twenty pieces of trash ranging from cigarette boxes to garbage bags to beer cans (hmm) to this old, dirt-encrusted red towel lying half-in, half-out of the mud.  Then we had to carry it up two hills back to my house… before dumping it in our trash can and getting all the riverbed mud hosed off our shoes.  I’m serious, I should be able to put that on my college application.  Cleaned creek.  It would look good don’t you think?

SONG OF THE DAY: RESTLESS HEART SYNDROME

Don’t worry, it gets better than the beginning.  It’s Green Day.  Give it a chance.  So see you tomorrow reader, or not, the choice is… … … gah, I’m doing it already.  Goodnight.

#6 – Sunday: Second Time Around

Tonight was a movie night, because the rest of my family wanted to go see Harry Potter.  Seeing as The Debt wasn’t in the theater (which in itself was confusing), I watched the movie again with the same result.  Completely average.  Mediocrity at its finest.  There is nothing special about Deathly Hallows Part II other than the mind-boggling special effects… but as I’ve said countless times, if you want special effects then go see Transformers.  And if you want to argue with me, you better have read the books first or you’re no better than the slobs that rushed out to see Shark Night 3D (though, to be fair, it did get marginally better reviews than Apollo 18).

Now that that rampage is done, remarkably shorter the second time around, I have some free space.  So… let’s make this a movie post altogether with one of the several I watched in August.  We’ll go with the first one, and easily one of the best movies I’ve ever seen (warning though, it’s almost sixteen years old), Se7en.

I’d never been a huge Brad Pitt fan before I saw Ocean’s Eleven, and even after that I was never truly on board until I saw this movie.  His performance was one of the best I’ve seen in a while, so it’s really significant that both Morgan Freeman and Gwyneth Paltrow were even better.  And Kevin Spacey… let’s just say that this movie has some of the best acting I’ve ever seen.  It’s also one of the most suspenseful, with an ending that has a massive buildup and an aftertaste that will last long after Freeman’s final bleak quote.  Aesthetically, almost everything about Se7en is perfectly done, from the lighting to the pacing to the incredible attention to even the smallest detail.  It makes the nameless city where it always rains feel like a real place, and definitely not somewhere you want to go.  I’ve seen a couple of David Fincher’s movies (Zodiac and The Social Network), and neither of them compared to this.

SONG OF THE DAY: NO ROADS LEFT

More Linkin Park.  I warned you didn’t I?  So see you again tomorrow, where hopefully I’ll have something more interesting than that to share.

#5 – Saturday: Quickly Now

For some reason it still feels like summer to me, which involves going to bed at one in the morning and starting these posts at ten thirty at night.  Now, that’s all well and good for this weekend, but very soon, as in two days soon, I’m going to have to get back into school mode.  I think I’ve figured out how too: do these as soon as I get home.  No more eleven o’clock posts.  This will be done before it has any chance to mess up my seven hours of sleep.  Still, I just did some computer maintenance and I have a bit more to do tonight… so let’s get this over with.

Now, it’s September third, and I’ve already missed two opportunities to welcome in my favorite month.  I know it sounds stupid, but it’s a Saturday and I literally have nothing better to do.  Now, I’m sure a ton of people disagree with me (just like they disagree when I say Tuesday is the worst day of the week, which it is), but I’ll tell you simply why September is the best month of the year.

1.)  It’s the ninth month.  Before the Romans, it was the seventh month.  Both the numbers nine and seven are awesome.

2.)  My birthday is September 9th.  Enough said.  Also, remember how I said nine was an awesome number?  It just sounds cool when I say I was born on the ninth day of the ninth month.

3.)  School… wait.  That’s not a reason.  Actually, technically, school started in August.

3.)  Autumn, which is also the best season of the year, begins in September.  Why is autumn the best season?  One, because it has two names, one which brings images of skydiving and one which is just fun to say.  Two, because (duh), the leaves change color.  Three, if only for two weeks at the end of September, autumn has some of the best weather of the year.

There?  Agree now?  No?  Well at least you’ll be immune to those political commercials that will be inundating the airwaves in a few months; god I hate those things…

SONG OF THE DAY: 1985

Bowling for Soup.  Enough said.  And wow, I think I set a record for post-writing time.  Eleven minutes.  Not bad.  Adios muchachos.

#4 – Friday: End of an Era

That title could be applied to many things, so I’ll act like a horoscope and tell you that a personal era in your life is about to end while another one will soon begin.  What I just said is an excuse for using that title, which just popped into my head and felt really good to type.  Now… moving on… this is my first weekend post (weekend being defined as a day without school; I know very well that today is Friday).  Generally these posts tend to be boring, but I have a boatload of things I never got to vent on in August, so they should be no less entertaining than my weekday posts (however entertaining they may be).  So let’s get started.

The most interesting thing that happened this August was probably my vacation to Mexico.  It lasted about seven days, two and a half days longer than last year, which actually made all the difference.  For five of those days we just relaxed on the beach… which I just realized that I’d really like to be doing right now.  We snorkeled a bit as well; the sea turtles were incredible.  And on the last day I even got bit by a fish.  Just a regular, short-sighted fish who probably saw a piece of food and didn’t realize that beneath that piece of food was my back.  Then, on one of the remaining days, we took a tour of Chichen Itza.  It was incredible, even better than Tulum (which I saw last year), probably one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen.  one really cool thing about the temple was the acoustics; if you clap at the bottom of the steps the echo that comes back sounds just a bit like a crow.  The other day… we rode camels through a jungle.  Yes, that was not a typo.  Camels.  Through the jungle.  In Mexico.  Camels.  I know.  But it was actually really cool, and actually I found it a lot more comfortable than riding a horse.  Then, to cap it all off, I got one of the best pictures I’ve ever taken of the sunrise from an airplane.  Here it is… and I know it says it at the bottom of the page but I’ll give my little paranoia talk here anyway.  This is mine.  You can’t use it for anything unless I say yes.

SONG OF THE DAY: WHAT I’VE DONE

And there we go, picture and video all up in a neat little column.  Sorry for the three days of Linkin Park, but this was kind of necessary for today, personal reasons.  I promise to put something non-LP tomorrow.  Though you should get used to it… there will be a lot of this band on here until I exhaust every song from A Thousand Suns.  Adios.

#3 – Thursday: The First… Sort of… Day of School

Today was the fourth day of school.  It was also the second day of classes.  It was also the first day of full-length classes.  So I think, just for simplification purposes… I’m going to call this the first real day of school.  I’m not saying the others were fake… but when you can sleep to eleven in the morning it can’t be called a school day.  And when you sit in homeroom, staring at a wall for three hours, waiting to go back to your powerless home (as it was Monday and Tuesday), it’s not called school.  It’s called nap time.  I just wish they’d have let us actually take a nap.

Moving on, today involved, you guessed it, more walking.  Third Floor, First Floor, Second Floor, Basement, Third Floor, Second Floor.  When I put it like that it may not sound bad… but consider that each one is in the opposite end of the building from the one before.  Yeah.  Workout time.  Still, we got to rest a bit in AP Gov when our teacher was once again a sub and we played Hangman and Pictionary for the eighty minutes.  I could not imagine a better way to spend an AP class period… which is why I know I shouldn’t get used to it.  And for a change today Spanish was actually bearable, the entire eighty minutes of it.  Though it was the only class with homework, but all in all it took about ten minutes.  And now we have a four-day weekend because of our school’s messed up schedule, which really is more like a little piece of extended summer.  I’m planning on cramming as much sleep into it as I possibly can… because there won’t be another one until Veterans Day.

SONG OF THE DAY: BURNING IN THE SKIES

Little Linkin Park encore for you guys… or guy.  I’m going to wait until I get a really good day to post this on Facebook again, because this once again feels like the filler I was writing in the summer.  Oh well, good things come to those who wait.  I hate that proverb.  Goodnight.

#2 – Wednesday: Let’s Get Started

Yesterday was what is called a preview.  I wrote a really short post just to let you know that I was back and to (hopefully) make you want a little more.  If it didn’t work, then I guess you wouldn’t be here reading this right now would you?

So now that I’ve explained the finer points of psychology, let’s get started.  I’m kicking myself (not literally, that would be weird) right now because I’m probably going to be up for another hour, and I have to get up at six tomorrow for (gag) the first full day of high school.  And now, instead of last year’s thirty foot walks, I now have to walk about a mile between each class.  Small problem: I run a mile in seven minutes.  We only get five.  Result: I will probably have a couple detentions by the end of the semester, or I’ll magically gain some amazing powerwalking ability overnight.  Yeah… I’m going with Option A too…

It’s not all bad though, my AP Gov (that’s ‘government’ for those abbreviationally challenged) class has almost everyone I know in it.  Seriously, this is going to be an awesome class.  And it’s the only one I have all year, which makes it better.  Geometry looks kind of fun too, even though it’s math.  Spanish will probably be even more aggravating than last year.  As for Computer Art, I hope the walk is worth it.

SONG OF THE DAY: WISDOM, JUSTICE, AND LOVE / IRIDESCENT

Easily my favorite song from A Thousand Suns (though Catalyst, Waiting for the End, and Burning in the Skies come close), the first part is a prelude that takes the form of a Martin Luther King Jr. speech.  Then, after a minute or so, it fades away into Iridescent, which basically gave me a few new rules to live life by.  Enjoy, and see you tomorrow.

#1 – Tuesday: Welcome Back to Internet Junk

… … … … is this thing on?  It’s been a while.  In fact, it’s been one more day than I planned.  Hurricane Irene knocked out the electricity on my street from seven o’clock Saturday night to today at around five thirty in the afternoon.  I was actually a little disappointed last night… but I’m back now and everything is once again as it should be.  I, every night, write a blog that no one reads, and then post it on Facebook just to prove how geeky I really am on the inside.  It’s not like you wouldn’t know that already… but that’s just for the benefit of any newcomers who found this little corner of cyberspace by accident.  So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started.  August was an eventful month; ironically it was the month I took off.  In the next paragraph I’ll try and make up for that.

So, a few important things happened last (actually, still this) month.  I went to Mexico and (hopefully) rediscovered the non-awkward person I used to be.  Unfortunately, that was when I was five.  So if I start talking in monosyllabic sentences… there’s a reason.  I also started listening to Linkin Park, who will be appearing a lot on here (there, in the back row, don’t cringe.  I can see you.).  In the rest of the world a new zealot decided to run for President.  A dictator apparently turned to sand.  And there’s a new Lil Wayne album… which may or may not be the apocalypse coming early.  Welcome back people, to Internet Junk.

Friday: Until Next Time

Let me put this right out.  This will be my last post for the next month.  I’ve been ridiculously boring over the last few weeks (I had 241 hits in June, and in July I’ve had less than half that).  This is also becoming a drag every night, and even though this started as kind of a commitment exercise, I think it’s time for a break.  So for the month of August this will be the post at the top, dated July 29th, 2011.  I will be back however, on the first day of school, exactly a month from today.  Then I’ll hopefully have something better for you than the slop I’ve been throwing out for the last few weeks.

So, seeing as this is my last time for a while, I can still end it in style.  And it just so happens that I actually do have a few things to write about today.  First, let’s start with Summer Stage.  Rugrats was awesome, and thank you Anthony for persuading me to go.  I’m not sure if it was supposed to be a comedy or not, but it forced out some laughs I didn’t even know were there.  I don’t remember the show that well, but after a while some of it started to come back.  Love the acting.  Love the singing.  And Anthony, that dog costume was hilarious.  If they ever do another version of Underdog (not likely), you should definitely audition.

Then, kind of as a footnote, after the play my mom and sister dragged me around to Kohls to go shopping.  Still, I finally got a new iPod-to-stereo cable at RadioShack, and I can finally hear out of both my speakers.  Also, Borders is having their clearance sale, so I got Inception.  Finally I get to watch this damn movie (it better be as good as you all told me it was)!

Then, to round it out, my sister went to see Deathly Hallows Part II, (mediocre movie), and with her gone I watched History of the World, Part I.  Mel Brooks is awesome, and I’m not sure why I don’t watch more of his stuff.  I’m serious, even if you’re not a history geek like me, watching a fake Leonardo Da Vinci paint a fake Jesus with Brooks holding a pan behind his head like a halo is a lot funnier than it sounds.  And then there’s Rue de Merde in Paris, and if you don’t know what that last word means shame on you.  Here’s a hint: Google Translate.  Yeah.  Funny right.  Go watch the damn movie.

SONG OF THE DAY: BULLET

 

Now enjoy some Bon Jovi, it’s the last song I’ll be giving you for the next month.  Wow, I just realized that I’m actually going to miss this.  But I’ll be back on August 29th, so just wait until then.  I’ll bet some of you are even hoping that the 28th will last forever.

Adios.

-Chris

Thursday: Ignore this Post ↓

Because I have no idea what to talk about tonight besides a video game, and because I don’t feel like randomizing Wikipedia articles again… that video game it shall be.  So if you have any respect for me whatsoever DO NOT read past this point.  Or really if I know you… DO NOT read past this point.  On third thought, NO ONE read past this point.  There.  I think that solves the problem.

The game in question is actually eleven years old, won about fifty Game of the Year awards back then, and has graphics so old that my system can play it without lagging.  And I know the two people who read this (my aunt and Anthony, if both of them ignored my request) have no idea what the Latin pseudo-proverb meaning ‘God out of the Machine’ is… so I’ll tell you it’s called Deus Ex (FYI, the ‘machine’ part is left out).

The game itself was fun, kind of a combination shooter/RPG that gives you a couple decisions and, eventually, a silenced, completely accurate sniper rifle that can shoot 2700 feet.  But the really good part is the ending… or rather the three of them.  Yeah.  It gives you a choice at the end, which I’ll try to explain without too much backstory.

First choice is to completely wipe out the world’s technology (which coincidentally is the one I chose).  There’s a Chinese scientist named Tracer Tong who tells you how to do this, and influences this ending.  The world is in kind of a high-tech, plague-filled dystopia and apparently the best way to fix it is to wipe it out.  Or at least, that’s what I thought.

Second choice is giving power to the Illuminati (too much backstory, not going into it), and from what I’ve heard not many people choose that.  Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t trust a cult with control of the world.

Third choice is merging with this big AI named Helios, and becoming a sort of nice-guy dictator with the brain of a computer and human awareness.  It sounds nice, but I didn’t feel like that.  Instead I decided to explode a couple nuclear reactors and plunge the world into a Dark Age.

Now that I’ve proven just how geeky I am and pretty much destroyed any shred of self-respect I had left… I’ll leave you with a song.

SONG OF THE DAY: HURRY

 

I don’t think this alleviates my geekiness in any way whatsoever, but it’s a good song.  So if you actually ignored my warning and went this far… this is all I can reward you with.  Goodnight!

Wednesday: Technically, it’s a Ferret

That, my friends, is the best line from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which you can see here in stunningly low quality:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-5v3uTjY9E

Or you can just do what I did and buy it at Target for nine bucks.  Your choice.  So anyway, nothing big really happened today, so I don’t really have a subject for tonight at all.  So let’s try a stream of consciousness (warning, this might get either very boring, offensive, or both).

So of that’s technically a ferret, what is it actually?  Is there a difference between what’s technical and what’s actual, or are they both the same and do people just think they sound more believable when they say ‘technical?’  I mean really, what is the point with technicalities anyway.  The only place where technicalities actually matter are in court… which really is false in itself.  If you have a jury, and someone has evidence that can’t be shown because of a technicality, do you really think those 12 people are going to completely ignore that piece of possible damning evidence?  Sometimes people act like other people are machines, saying ‘technically’ this and ‘technically’ that.  Well technically, technically has no bearing on the actual world.  Well technically, that gunshot didn’t kill him.  The fall from the roof did.  Well yeah, no duh.  You’re still going to prison for murder my friend.  Technically I didn’t take your yogurt from the fridge, my hand did.  That’s funny, because right now there’s a nice big glob of yogurt making its way down your shirt.  I don’t think your hand put it there.  Technically, it’s a ferret.  Really, because last time I looked that was a blond kid in a cloak.

Ok.  I’m done.  That was kind of weird, just typing whatever comes to mind.  I don’t know how I got from ferrets to yogurt and back to ferrets, while passing juries along the way.  I’m sorry if that was boring, but it shouldn’t have been offensive (unless you’re either a criminal or a glob of yogurt), and I think it’s time for the song.

SONG OF THE DAY: HOTEL CALIFORNIA

 

This is one of the classics, and I think is on some lists as one of the greatest classic rock songs of all time.  I like it.  I don’t see why you shouldn’t, unless you’re Anthony and listen to a band that’s really just a bunch of high-voiced geeky guys with too much time on their hands.

Tuesday: Identity Rehashed

You’ll remember about a month or two ago, if you were reading this back then, that I read The Bourne Identity.  Since then I’ve been looking for the movie and I finally managed to find it on a channel that we have.  Now, normally when a movie is nothing like the book, and you like the book, the movie becomes pretty unenjoyable.  This was the exception to that rule.  There shouldn’t even be that text that says ‘based on the novel by Robert Ludlum’, because really the only thing the same is the name of the central character.  Everything else is completely new.  The story is completely different.  And I actually loved it almost as much as the book.  I mean, that was one of the deepest and best action movies I’ve seen in a long time.  The new story worked almost better than the old one, and the new version of Jason Bourne is almost as good as the actual one.  All in all, great movie.

Now that I’ve bored you to death with a review on a nine year old movie… I really don’t have much else to say.  It’s summer.  This is a free week.  That means I sleep to twelve-thirty, eat snacks for the day, watch a movie, read a book, and play video games.  Nothing really interesting happens on these days… which doesn’t exactly make me want school to start again but makes me think that once it comes I won’t be waiting for summer to return.

SONG OF THE DAY: COME SAIL AWAY

 

I saw this song on some websites list of ‘Top Rock Songs that Secretly Suck’, and that is so far from the truth.  Sure, I have no idea what it means.  But pretty everyone knows the song, and can sing the chorus with varying degrees of success.  And now goodnight.  See you tomorrow, which will, guaranteed, be another boring, boring day.

Monday: Late Night Again

No song tonight, really because I just want to get this over with so that I can do the stuff I want to do tonight.  That stuff?  Start writing a new book (Blur the Lines is not done, I’m still going to work on it from time to time, but I’m taking a break), and finish reviewing random movies and video games on Metacritic.  Yeah.  I’m a geek, I know, but it’s still fun to write no matter what it is I’m writing.

Now for what happened today.  I woke up at about twelve-thirty in the afternoon to the news that my uncle and his girlfriend now have a baby girl.  Luciana Lombardo, welcome to the family.

Then, tonight I volunteered at Primos Library for their Games of the World night, most of which had some element of checkers in it.  My game was kind of an African version of checkers, called Yoté.  Which, because of its age, makes checkers an American version of Yoté.  It was a fun night, basically me and Hope hanging out and teaching little kids how to play games we didn’t know how to play.  By the end my mouth was aching from laughing so hard, and hey it looks good for college doesn’t it?

SONG OF THE DAY: PAPERBACK WRITER

 

This is, in my opinion, the greatest Beatles song ever and for some reason is overshadowed by all of their other, more popular songs.  The tune is intoxicating and every time I, for some reason, find myself singing along.  Now that’s all for tonight, I have things to do other than writing an arrogant blog that one person in the entire world reads.

Sunday: Quickly Now

I have about twenty-three minutes before my midnight deadline, which is annoying because I’m actually doing things I enjoy right now and this (not for the first time) is getting in the way.  But I made a deal (with myself, but still a deal), and I’m not going to break it.  So now comes a really quick post about the boring things I’ve done today.

First and foremost was work, where I read through about a hundred and fifty pages of Jane Eyre.  It’s actually shaping up to be a decent novel… for a classic.  It’s not what you would expect.  The wordiness is actually pretty good, and the characters themselves aren’t the ones you’d usually expect.  I think this is one classic I may actually end up enjoying.

Then, once that was out of the way, I fixed all of my computer problems (which thankfully did not involve a reformat), and watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean.  Johnny Depp never ceases to amaze me, and Geoffrey Rush is awesome.  I think Orlando Bloom is there for looks, but he’s a decent actor in himself.  And Keira Knightly is actually a pretty good actress, though the character is more than cheesy.  Actually, the entire movie is completely and utterly full of cheese… but sometimes that just works.  And here it makes one of the most spontaneously funny movies I’ve seen in a long time.  Really, only The Hangover is more spontaneously funny than Curse of the Black Pearl.

SONG OF THE DAY: JUST BREATHE

 

Anthony wanted songs back, so I’ll give you songs back.  This is a slow, acoustic Pearl Jam tune from Backspacer, and it’s pretty deep if you take the time to listen.  Now this has taken approximately eighteen minutes… so before it wastes any more of my time I will say goodnight.

Saturday: One More Day

One more day of getting up at 6:30 for work before my week (almost) completely free of all obligations.  Of course, this week is somehow shaping up to be a bit less enjoyable than I had hoped (more tech problems), but I need some time to finish Jane Eyre and From the Earth to the Moon… and then do their corresponding packets.  The good part is that this year’s vacation is (finally) planned and we’re going back to Mexico for an even longer time than we were there last year.  Somehow I always go into summer thinking it’s going to be this awesome, relaxing getaway from reality.  Then vacation becomes a relief when we get to it because summer turns out to be almost as stressful (at times) as the school year.  But hey, this is still a free week… so for the majority (after I’ve fixed my tech and read the books) will be spent doing whatever the hell I want.  And for some reason it feels really good to say that.

Now to the serious part of this post: Yesterday, you probably heard, there was a massacre in Norway by a singular lunatic on an enclosed island.  It sounds really emotionless when I put it like that, but really this affected me a lot more than things normally do.  Maybe it was because all of the victims weren’t even in their twenties, that this was such a carefully and coldly planned attack, or maybe it was almost completely political.  I’m usually in the habit of giving information, so that’s what I’ll do here.  This lunatic, whose name I can’t remember, planted a car bomb in Oslo to create a diversion.  That blast alone killed seven people, and while the police and counterterrorism units were looking for Al-Qaeda cells or other bombs, no one was watching as a nondescript Norwegian cop made his way to an island where the children of the country’s ruling party lived.  Once there he directed the scared masses into a main house, and opened fire with a machine gun.

This seems just crazy to me in its every aspect.  This plot was planned and executed in a manner almost militaristic.  And this guy was not an Al-Qaeda member, or a military veteran.  He was a white, Christian, far-right-winger from Oslo who was seemingly so overcome with conspiracy theories that he felt the need to kill scores of innocent kids.  Really there is no way to describe it at all… so I’m going to stop trying.  Formulate your own evaluations, make your own opinions.  I’m saying goodnight.

Friday: Summer Reading Blues

For some reason I’ve completely fallen in love with Paperback Writer.  You know, the Beatles song?  Don’t pretend you’ve never heard it or been entranced by its catchiness.  If I hadn’t said no more songs for the rest of the summer… you guess what would be today’s song.  But anyway, no one wants to hear that so I’ll move on.

This is the worst thing school ever does to us.  Summer reading is the most hated assignment I’ve ever had, and I like reading!  This year is the worst too… I’m thirty pages into the unabridged edition of Jane Eyre and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to finish this massive book in two weeks.  Then I have to read From the Earth to the Moon… which I can probably renew for the rest of the summer because the librarians got me an edition no one knows about.  And I like Jules Verne… the stories at least.  He’s one of the greatest sci-fi (though we may not think that now) writers ever.  The only problem is that his writing is so suffocating that I really can’t read his books for more than ten minutes at a time.  At least they’re short…

The real torture though is that for the first time in a month I have a couple books I REALLY want to read… and this is keeping me away.  I have 1984 and Fahrenheit 451 for the next couple of weeks, and I’m really looking forward to them… but I can’t.  And then today at the Borders at Springfield Mall I found this cool leather-bound collection of all the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books, which people have continuously told me that I’d love… but I can’t read them either!  On top of those I have a book club book about suicide (Thirteen Reasons Why), which is looking pretty appealing too.  So fuck you Summer reading!  I will never use Sparknotes, but I envy the people without a conscience who do!

Thursday: … … Really…? That’s it…? …

As everyone with a computer and half an index finger knows, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 broke about five box office records in its first three days on-screen, leading the way to a 169.2 million dollar total.  That’s three days.  In the USA only.  Around the world, chalk up another 250 – 300 million.  At the midnight premieres they gave out 3D glasses shaped like Harry’s.  Then fanboys and fangirls everywhere oohed and aahed at every pretty flashing light and squealed at every vacant sigh.  When it was over, they all went of facebook and proclaimed it the greatest work of acting, directing, cinema, in the history of movies.  It was the best reviewed, (probably) highest-grossing, and apparently most well like movie of the series.

In other words, it completely, totally, unequivocally average in every possible way.

You heard me.  How about I use a few other words?  Generic.  Ordinary.  Normal.  Boring.  Rushed.  Abrupt.  Jolting.  That enough for you?  Are you confused?  I’m sure you are.  Can everyone just lift the veil of ‘ oh my fucking god it’s ending…??!’ for a moment and watch that movie without the fanboy / fangirl bias?  It was a sloppy mess created by the series’ worst director by far.  Apparently David Yates thinks he can do whatever he wants without regard to the source material whatsoever.  And that would be okay if his alterations were any good.  My favorite scene from Part I was one of his creations: when Harry and Hermoine were dancing alone in the tent.  But for this he became the anti-Midas.  Everything he touched rusted and broke.  The best thing about this movie was Alan Rickman’s performance, which was the only thing Oscar-worthy about this piece of nondescript fluff; he story was rushed and the producing was flawed.

Part I put so much on the table.  It gave this movie an incredible head start, a solider-than-concrete beginning, and the potential to end the series with an awesome bang.  Instead, Part II took Part I’s magic and wasted it in the first five lackadaisical minutes.  Everyone had an open mouth at the end.  Most were screaming praises.  The ones who actually watched the movie were saying, “this is it…?”  One thing’s for sure, possibly the greatest literary and cinematic franchise of all time just whimpered over the finish line.  Disappointing.  That’s really the only word for this slapdash movie.  Disappointing.

Wednesday: Lesson Learned

I love racing games.  So much that when they’re on sale, I tend to snap them up.  Now twenty-three bucks later I realized something… even if your computer is above the minimum and pretty close to the recommended specs… it’s not going to run smoothly.  It’s not going to run smoothly unless you have some cyborg processor that costs a thousand dollars by itself to take care of the frame-rates and motion blur and shadows and all that crap.  So lesson learned.  Do not buy any racing games less than three years old.  So, in short, do not buy any more racing games.  Until at least you sell a book and you can afford an i5.

Now today in Science, we built walls out of LEGOs and watched the teacher throw a wiffleball and a little steel ball at them in succession.  The wiffleball just knocked them over.  The steel ball actually made them explode.  I’m not kidding.  Pieces of that wall ended up about ten feet away, along with the LEGO monkey I put on top of it.  It was hilarious… and all for the good of kids learning about inertia right?  Then of course we have to go to another level and put a LEGO grandma in a little car and send her zooming down a ramp towards a pile of books.  Needless to say, grandma did not end the ride inside the car.  So that was part kids learning about inertia, part public service announcement (wear your seatbelts people), but mostly, mostly just a hell of a lot of fun.

Now, as this is summer, I have nothing more exciting to write about.  All I have is a question.  Does anyone know what I’m talking about when I ask if you remember those kids that move to your school about halfway through the year, and then disappear about a month later?  I’m writing a story about a kid like that right now… and I was wondering if you would call them Ghosts.  (Because, that’s the title).  Other than that, I’m done.  Adios folks.

Tuesday: Square One

Tonight’s post is going to be pretty short; I might even break my rule of at least a page on my writer program.  Let’s just say I have some work to do tonight, work that’s a lot more important than throwing as much self-pity onto the Internet as I possibly can.  Let’s just say I’m back to square one… and leave it at that.

Now, there was really one interesting thing that happened this morning.  Science in the Summer 2011 went into Day 2, and we had to help the kids build three different kinds of pulleys,  Sound easy?  You try piecing together plastic parts with screws that don’t fit AND try keeping a string on a wheel that that string really does not want to hold on to.  Still sound easy?  Well, maybe it was… but it fell apart enough times for me to know that’s a lie.  Anyway that still wasn’t the hardest part, that would have been cleanup.  First, four tables had to be flipped and moved.  That alone almost fractured my spine.  Then we have these really comfortable theater-type chairs that we’d set out… with the downside of each weighing about twenty tons.  Seriously, those things have to be made out of cast-iron or granite… that’s how heavy they are.  And then it’s even worse when one of them gets stuck in a rat trap, and then your foot gets stuck in a rat trap, and then your face-

That was a joke, in case you were wondering.  The face part at least.  Anyway as I’m starting the new no-song-till-school tradition I guess I’ll be seeing you around.  Still… let’s leave with one more.

FINAL SONG OF THE DAY: SQUARE ONE

 

Au revoir silent readers.

Monday: Science and Libraries

More daily recaps for you people, I think you like them better than the other junk I’ve been spewing out over the last few weeks.  Just hang in there… you only have six more weeks until school begins and I have actually funny and interesting recaps to share… so in other words stop being greedy and wait.  I’m not quite that interesting.

Now this morning I began one of two weeks helping with Science in the Summer, this one at Primos Library.  Our teacher is this awesome guy named Jason who looks sort of like Novak Djokovic.  I’m serious.  That was the first thing I thought… wow, this guy looks like Novak Djokovic.  Yet ironically he didn’t seem that big of a sports fan, but that’s fine.  At least we weren’t filling test tubes and cups with oil… and subsequently spending hours cleaning them out like last year.  This time it was just making levers out of LEGOs and having people lift a bucket of bricks with two fingers.  Most of the time it was even pretty funny.

The other interesting thing that happened today was book club where we discussed Little Brother (see a post about two-and-a-half weeks ago).  It could have been better, though it was pretty good as it was.  If Anthony had been there though… I don’t know what kind of arguments (excuse me, debates) would have been sparked.  There would have been fireworks though.  Then of course we need to set up for Science in the Summer tomorrow morning… and I almost fell over twice and felt like a total wimp trying to unfold and refold tables.  Apparently it’s not that I can’t be good at everything, it’s that I can’t be good at anything.  And now that I’ve expressed enough self-pity for one night, it’s time for a song which I have not chosen yet.

SONG OF THE DAY: BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

 

You know, I just typed in ‘Greatest Song Ever’ into the YouTube search box, and this was the first result.  So here’s your song, which probably is the greatest song ever.  And I think I’m going to stop doing songs, at least until school starts again.  Then I’ll start fresh… because I’m actually starting to run out.  Goodnight people, and thanks for listening.  However many of you there are out there.

Sunday: And Now, We Wait…

This is hearkening back to the good-old waiting-for-the-next-Harry-Potter book days, and it’s probably been about six hours since I beat Half LIfe 2: Episode 2.  Now I promised Anthony I wouldn’t talk about video games on here again, even though it probably makes up the bulk of what I do during the summer (that and volunteer), so I’ll leave with saying that waiting has never been easy.  At least I didn’t get into this four years ago… now that must be real torture.

Alright, as for anything else interesting I did today… there is absolutely nothing.  But, instead of cut this blog post incredibly short (I’ll never go less than a page on my Writer program), I’m going to go click ‘random’ on Wikipedia and talk about the first interesting page I find for the rest of the post.

Actually, I just randomed onto an article about a Japanese soccer player.  That reminds me, all of you who were dropped at birth and believe America will ever recognize soccer as a sport… well… keep dreaming.  The minority of Americans who can watch a full game of soccer without changing the channel were probably either born somewhere else or are the .000001 percent of Americans not afflicted with ADD.  I’m serious, ADD is synonymous with American.  But that’s not he point.  The point is that the majority of American football fans like it because it’s grinding and smash-mouth.  They can’t stand the fifty faked injuries though the course of a soccer game where the person will flop on the ground after behind tapped on the chin.  Also… has anyone realized that the most unsatisfying ending to a game is a tie?  Even a loss is more satisfying… at least you know that the other team was better.  Ties are boring.  This is why Americans will watch World Cup soccer, where they have some kind of a shootout in the event of a tie.  Now just a personal problem… what’s with the shirt thing guys?  Why do you have to rip your jerseys off every time you score a goal?  I mean seriously, the reason kids here don’t watch soccer is that their parents don’t want them watching shirtless men run around a field.  (That was internet sarcasm people).  Now I think I’ve made my point, and burned fifteen minutes, so let us post a song and send you on your way.

SONG OF THE DAY: HALF LIFE 2 THEME

 

What?  Did I just slip some more video game in there?  Well actually this is a pretty awesome theme song with a really catchy piano line, so yeah.  Why don’t you listen to it?  Adios friends.  And goodnight Freeman.

Saturday: Animalistic

I went to the Zoo tonight for their members-only thing where you get this kind of in-depth talk about a bunch of different animals.  For all of you rolling your eyes right now, it’s actually pretty fun.  Last time we met a Chinchilla (which are ridiculously cute), and got to pet it for a few minutes.  This time we saw a couple awesome owls, a hawk, and a raven named Poe.  Which, now that I think about it, I’ve been meaning to put a raven in a story for a long time.  It probably won’t be named Poe… but still at least it helped me remember.

Also we got to see a bunch of kangaroos, which never lose their charm.  I’m serious, these animals are just so cool that nothing can ever make them boring.  They act like my dog (rolling around in the dirt), are as adorable as my dog (from an animal standpoint), and hello… they’re Australian.  The only thing I like more from Australia is Outback Steakhouse.  If you happen to be Australian… sorry if I just offended you.  If you’re Australian and happen to be named Julian Assange, please don’t hack my computer.

The third and final thing we saw were a brother-sister pair of golden lion tamarins, which are exactly what they sound like.  They’re these tiny little monkeys (for want of a better word), colored gold and with a kind of lionish mane.  They also have these really long tails which are probably twice the length of their body, and can hang from them.  These two are apparently fearless as well, and travel to the bear exhibits when they’re let out of their exhibit.

Now that I’ve bored you to hell with a bunch of animal stories, here’s a song.

SONG OF THE DAY: ATTENTION

 

This may be what I wish some people would give me sometime.  Goodnight people, and I hope I’m not being as boring as I was a couple of days ago!

Friday: Finally… Something Normal

I’m done with countdowns, reviews, segments, serious discussions… at least for today.  Thank god too… I think I drove away everyone who was reading this piece of junk!  I had almost 250 hits in June, in July I only have about 40.  Now that’ll pick up again when school starts, and I’m almost glad that I can do this in peace.  Really, my stuff during the summer is probably so boring that I wouldn’t be able to stay awake reading it.  So for today, let’s just do a good old daily recap for nostalgia (and everyone else)’s sake.

We, that is to say my sister, my mom, and I started the day at the last morning of her Summer Stage Apprentice program where I finally met the infamous Mr. Marty (I thought he was hilarious though), and had to jump awkwardly around for twenty minutes in the dancing portion.  Needless to say, I’ll just leave the performing to the people who are actually talented.

After that I returned to the writing class I was at last week (long story), for the end-of-class open house.  It was actually satisfying to hear people laugh at a script I (mostly) wrote, and the three guys performing it did a great job.  It was perfect.  Maybe I’ll screen-write sometime… it’s a different kind of writing but it’s still fun in it’s special way.

The last thing of any significance today was our errand to Kohl’s… which I know shouldn’t have been significant but was.  Why?  I found an awesome t-shirt with the head of Perry the Platypus wearing a red baseball cap that says ‘PLAT’.  It is the best t-shirt I have ever seen.  I think I’m wearing that to the library next Monday, just to annoy Anthony.

SONG OF THE DAY: UPRISING

 

I didn’t have a song.  And no one reads this.  So who cares if I post one that everyone in the world knows?  Goodnight my nonexistent readers.  And if you hear me screaming about something called Zombie Chopper in my sleep… don’t ask.

Thursday: Random Countdown (#2)

I don’t have time to think of something to write about tonight, so instead of wracking my brains I’m going to take the easy way out and give another endlessly boring random countdown.  This random countdown is going from seven to one, of MY FAVORITE dystopian (read yesterday’s post) works.  This list will have one video game, two movies, and four books.  And please, I know no one reads this but don’t get bent out of shape because 1984 and Fahrenheit 451 aren’t here… this is my list.  These are not the best.  Just MY best.  Now… let’s begin.

7: Under the Dome: Stephen King is first and foremost a horror writer, and this is first and foremost a horror book.  But Dome showcases a perfect setting for a dystopia, where a town is cut off from the world and set under the rule of a cunning and tyrannical leader.  It easily takes Number 7.

6: The Book of Eli: I realize I was singing its praises yesterday, but I’m not done.  The world this movie painted was on par with any dystopian work I’ve ever seen… and the desolation really gets to you after a while.  The general feeling of a dystopian world is of an oppressive, government controlled utopia.  This is the exact opposite: a barren wasteland and a corrupted town.  It’s different, which is why it finds a place at Number 6.

5: Mortal Engines: This is a young adult book series by Philip Reeve in a world where cities move across the continents.  Called traction cities, these behemoths traverse the Earth throughout the four books destroyed and eating each other for fuel.  The world both a combination of Eli and your regular dystopia, and the characters definitely stick with you.  It definitely deserves Number 6.

4: Star Wars: Episode V: Why did I pick Empire Strikes Back?  Because Empire Strikes back is probably the best example of a dystopia the series has.  No one can deny that this is one of the greatest series of all time… and in my mind it’s a perfect dystopia.  Oppressive government.  Iconic antagonist.  Equally iconic protagonists.  What more does it need?

3: Little Brother: This is a book written by Cory Doctorow, about what would probably happen after a terrorist attack on San Francisco.  After Marcus, a more than technologically-savvy teenager is kidnapped and interrogated by the overpowering Department of Homeland Security… he fights back by hacking them with a network of fictional Xboxes.  You may be wondering why this is before Eli, Star Wars, and Engines… it’s because it also has amazingly deep underlying themes of love, power, and what living in the USA really means.  I almost feel bad that this isn’t higher… but there is literally no competition for the top two.

2: Half Life 2: Here’s the video game I promised.  Now, if I happen to be a successful author in twenty years and made this list again, most of my counterparts would scoff at a video game being placed over literature.  I say, why not?  The storyline of the entire Half Life series is extremely complex, more so than most books even, and extremely entertaining.  The world of City 17 is easily a dystopia, and the Combine is almost synonymous with Big Brother.  From that perspective people would say that it’s just a remake of 1984… but some remakes can actually be better than the original.  All I know is that it’s been a lot of fun playing as Gordon Freeman, and there’s only one dystopia that I could possibly hold over this.

1: The Hunger Games: Most of you knew this was coming, but this is above and beyond the most amazingly crafted dystopian story I’ve ever read.  The world is exquisitely made and utterly haunting, but for such an incredible story it’s almost completely character driven.  Not only that, but it’s easily the deepest and darkest ‘children’s’ book I’ve ever read… Harry Potter’s true successor in every way.  Suzanne Collins’s father was a Vietnam vet, and as a kid he would take her to war memorials and explain in vivid detail what war was really like.  This amazing series was the result of that; it’s an image of the true aspect of war and the only Number 1 I could ever have.

SONG OF THE DAY: UNDISCLOSED DESIRES

 

Let’s finish with some Muse, from an album aptly named The Resistance.  Goodnight people, and enjoy the midnight premieres.

And by the way, I HAVE read 1984.

Wednesday: Return to Dystopia

Dystopia is no doubt one of the most overused genres in books (Hunger Games, Mortal Engines, Inheritance Cycle), movies (Star Wars), and even video games (Half Life, Fallout), but you can never have too much of a great thing.  It’s my genre of choice, writing-wise, and almost all of the good stuff I’ve ever concocted fits somewhere into the dystopian spectrum.  So it’s no surprise that I love almost every dystopian thing that comes along, but this one was special.

From all the average reviews I assumed The Book of Eli was your average post-apocalyptic film… and I could not have been more wrong.  I don’t watch that many movies, and I can’t remember the last Denzel one I saw… but if this is one of his worst (as the critics say) I’d wonder what he’s like at his best.  Eli is a terrific character, the perfect evangelical knife-fighting nomad, and easily one of the best dystopian heroes I’ve ever seen.  Gary Oldman is just and awesome actor, and his character is utterly flawless in every way.  Also, I didn’t even know Mila Kunis was in this when I started it, but by the time it was over I was glad she was.  Each character was amazing in their own right, and together they make a masterpiece.

Even with the great characters… I almost loved the world itself more.  Filmed in New Mexico and made to look like a dark Death Valley, the cinematography is incredible and goes with the storyline perfectly.  It’s an amazing piece of work, and easily ranks up there as one of my favorite post-apocalyptic / dystopian worlds.

Then of course comes the story itself, which I loved from start to finish.  I know really the main focal point for the criticism was the final twist… but I didn’t see anything wrong with it.  In my mind, it was pretty ingenious.  The whole thing was superbly told, superbly acted, and surrounded with a superb world and a superb soundtrack.  So you can easily guess the adjective I’d use to describe it.

SONG OF THE DAY: ROCKET MAN

 

You’ve all heard this before… but I was at a loss and had no other songs.  So with ten minutes to midnight I say goodnight… and hello to the penultimate (look it up) day to Harry Potter 8.

Tuesday: Random Countdown (#1)

Seeing as this is a boring summer day with nothing to write about (besides the just-got-hit-with-a-pipe-wrench ache my mouth is still surviving after having a bunch of new stuff squashed onto my braces yesterday), I’ll try to start another recurring gag if you will.  This one is pretty predictable, a top five countdown, but I’m going to try and make it as humorous as possible.  Ever seen Jim Rome is Burning?  That’s what I’m shooting for.  So without further ado, the top five most useless things on the internet.

5: Email Spammers: Seriously, do these things ever work?  I mean, just wondering if there are people dumb enough to click the pretty link that says “YoU JUst WoN 5,000,000,000,000 $$$ iN mALAysIAn EMaiL LotTeRy.”  Either that spammer had just had a full night at the bar, or their caps lock button is seriously FUBAR.  My other favorite is FIN-CANADEN-MEDZ-SOLD-4-CHEEP-PRICE… it’s so funny to see how far people go to beat spam filters.  And even funnier when they (always) fail.

4: Farmville: What do you people see in this game?  They are imaginary animals on an imaginary farm that you spend hours and hours perfecting… are you Facebook slaves?  Is that it?  Or do they pay you to waste more time than is humanly possible playing a game that takes the dumbest aspects of a video game and farm life and combining them into an apparently nicotine-laced Facebook app.

3: Twitter.  Tell me, what is so special about twitter?  It’s like the internet’s saloon… you spit out ten word sentences that usually make no sense and are followed by people you don’t even know.  It’s also destroyed any chance of anyone saying anything to anyone’s face anymore… when two people have a problem they duke it out over twitter.  In 140 characters or less.  Sorry, but that's not a fight.  It’s a shortened rap battle where the winner is probably also the dumbest in the group.

2: MySpace: It’s a useless conglomerate of servers that does nothing but take up actual space and give internet predators a little more maneuverability than Facebook.  The world would probably be better if someone just accidentally poured some gasoline on its computers and dropped their cigarette.  Whoops…

1: FoxNews Bing: Microsoft should stop wasting their time on a search engine that is to Google exactly what MySpace is to Facebook and spend their time on spitting out something that doesn’t completely ruin any progress the technological world has ever made.  Google was there first.'

No song today, as I’m about twenty seconds from midnight.  Goodnight people.  See you all (figuratively) tomorrow.

Monday: Countdown

I know Deathly Hallows II doesn’t come out for another four days… but being a pottermaniac like almost everyone else I know (thanks for being a spoil-sport Eli), I have to start a little early.  Really, after what I think is about ten years for me, I still can’t believe it’s all going to end.  I guess it truly ended in ‘07 when Book 7 was published… but the movies have always been just as much a part of the series as the books (which most movies tend not to be).  They have to count.  So in four days it all ends… as those posters rightly say.  Now I think I’m going to be nostalgic tonight and make all of you uncomfortable (and probably sound extremely self-centered)… or you can stop reading now and save yourselves the pain.

My first memory of Harry Potter?  Refusing to read the first book when I got it for what was probably my fifth or sixth birthday.  I didn’t read Sorcerer’s Stone for four months… and really the only reason why I ended up reading it was probably because I got Chamber of Secrets for Christmas.  Then, when I started… I never looked back.  The funniest part of the whole thing (and some of you might know this already), was that I used to get really chapped lips back then.  So the thing, first and foremost, that I associate with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is coconut-flavored lip balm.  Why would I lie about something like that?

Then came Azkaban, my unconditional favorite… just because it was so different from the rest of the series.  Voldemort does not make an appearance.  The Marauder’s Map is introduced.  And the Dementors are some of the greatest antagonists I’ve ever ‘seen’.  Who could forget Lupin either… he’s easily my favorite character in the entire series.

Order of the Phoenix was the first one I had to wait for, and that was the only one I actually bought at midnight.  I remember bringing a flashlight in the car so I could read it on the way home… and my dad still remembers it too.  Order of the Phoenix stands out for a few reasons.  One, it was my least favorite of the series (at least at the first readthrough).  Two, it was the only book I ever read ahead in.  I was about halfway through and so frustrated about how slow it was that I read the last chapter.  Maybe that’s another reason I didn’t like it…

Half-Blood Prince only has one real memory attached to it… that was me sitting in a shopping cart in Home Depot the morning I got it and reading the chapter where Snape makes the vow.  Oddly enough, after I finished I not only said Snape was innocent (spoiler alert), but I even called that Dumbeldore had asked him to kill him.  See Anthony, I even predicted stuff back then.

Deathly Hallows was the quickest one I finished, clocking in at roughly eight hours.  From what I remember, I sat on the living room floor through the entire day reading that book from start to finish.  I think I even laughed out loud at the profanity… and as I always say some profanity always makes a book better.  It comes in second on the favorites list to Azkaban, in fact it comes in second on every list to Azkaban.  It was almost as clever.  Almost as witty.  Almost as emotional.  And it was the best finish to a series I’ve ever read.

SONG OF THE DAY: WHEN WE WERE BEAUTIFUL

 

Great Bon Jovi song, which I have no time to go into because I have three minutes until the midnight deadline.  So adios my friends, thanks for listening to my rambling… and see you tomorrow.  Same time.  Same place.  As always.

Sunday: In All Seriousness… (#1)

I had no idea what to write about today until about ten minutes ago.  Absolutely no idea.  That was, until I read the beginning of a dark comedy about suicide on YWS which gave me my starting point.  I even have a new segment now, so you may see this again in a week or two.  So in all seriousness…

Suicide is not cool.  It’s not being brave.  It’s not anything that the suicidal justify it to be.  I knew someone who committed suicide, and I know more than one person who has thought seriously about / attempted it.  I realize how serious it is.  And I’ve never thought about it as more than an observer… and I’m sorry if if I offend anyone with what I’m about to say.  But then again, that has never really been my problem has it?

In light of everything I just said about suicide… it should not be such a taboo subject.  So many things are taboo in the world (more then one of which is showcased daily on MTV), that suddenly things become so heavy that no one can talk about them.  They become the invisible elephant in the room.  Everyone feels them there.  Everyone experiences the effects.  Everyone sees the commercials for antidepressants.  But if someone says anything close to ‘kill himself’ in a sentence, people become suddenly tense and alert and stare at that person with disapproving looks.  No, I take that back.  They stare at that person with almost scared looks.  I’ve been in that position before.  It’s uncomfortable.  I made a joke, admittedly in a moment of arrogance, and afterward I did feel bad for it.  And now that I look back… why did I have to feel bad for making a joke?  In all seriousness… suicide is serious.  But not talking about it just entrenches the problem deeper in society.  If things like that are never talked about, how will anyone who actually is considering suicide know where to turn?  Who can you talk to in a place where people won’t even mention the word?

It all comes down to this.  People want to believe that the world is a perfect place, that every teenager’s life is full of daisies.  Nothing sums that up better than a review I read a while ago about a certain show denounced by parents’ groups across the country.  You’ve heard if it.  It’s called Skins.  The reason it hasn’t been renewed for a second season is because those aforementioned groups thought it too taboo for their kids to watch.  Now let me ask… what problem are they solving?  In all seriousness… that show is more truthful to an American teenager’s life than anything on their approved list of channels (Disney and et cetera).  The raw truth is there.  Teenagers use drugs.  Teenagers have sex.  Teenagers commit suicide.  It’s not a rare occurrence, and ignoring that just intensifies the problem.

In all seriousness… suicide is serious.  But if it weren’t placed under a 1984-esque ban, maybe there would be less of it in the world.  That’s my talk for the night.  Take it or leave it.

SONG OF THE DAY: WHERE THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME

 

Undoubtedly one of the greates U2 songs of all time… and I think it fits the theme doesn’t it.  Goodnight and remember.  Silence is not golden.  Silence is terrible.

Saturday: Is There Anything…

…that Cliff Lee can’t do?  He just hit a homerun.  He hit a homerun off of a decent pitcher.  He hit a homerun off of a pitcher that completely shut down the rest of the Phillies team.  They say pitching wins game… but today the pitching was the entire offense too!  And then, being the Phils, they stranded the bases loaded in the bottom of the 10th and ended up losing four-to-one.  That is Philadelphia sports in a nutshell.

Today was a good day though.  I slept until ten, which was nice after the power outage kept me up late last night.  then, about three hours later, we went to a barbecue at my uncle’s girlfriend’s house.  There was a pool, so some swimming was done.  My sister tried to get me to front flip off of the diving board… twice.  And I belly-flopped (painfully)… twice.  Their dogs loved me for the same reason all dogs seem to love me.  What is that reason?  I have no idea.  Their cat was almost more adorable than the dogs, this really little fluffy guy with huge eyes with that kind of squashed in face.  His name was Enzo (which is an awesome name), and he actually let me hold him for a little while without trying to claw me.  The food was good.  They had Dr. Pepper, so I had no problem with the drinks.  And my aunt (who reads this) promised that we could drive to Harry Potter in her Mustang if I didn’t hide her cigarettes (which my sister and I did once).  As I said.  Good day.

SONG OF THE DAY: SWEET CHILD O’ MINE

 

I know you’ve all heard this before, but really this has got to be one of my all-time favorites.  This is the only song when I shuffle my iPod that I unconditionally listen to every time.  Now goodnight people, because I have more important things to write tonight.

Friday: Power Down

This will probably be posted not on Friday night but in the early hours of Saturday morning, because that damn thunderstorm in the afternoon knocked out our apparently very fragile power grid.  I’m writing this on offline Windows Live at about 10:12 Friday night, and the one unencrypted internet connection on my street is fading in and out too quickly for me to catch it.  So PECO, get back on task.  You’re estimate passed thirteen minutes ago, and we’re expecting power.  I really don’t want to have to fall asleep in an eighty-degree rainforest of a room… so speed it up a bit!

Power outages aren’t the rarest occurrence for us though, they happen two or three times a year.  Most of the time it’s during the night and it doesn’t last that long… usually the grid is back before I’m awake.  If they’re in the winter I usually don’t mind them… it gives you a little time to contemplate how much you depend on electricity while you warm up under a bunch of cozy blankets.  However in the summer there’s really no way to escape the heat short of dunking yourself in a crate of ice… which I’m not desperate enough to do.  Then when the internet goes out-

Wait… connection!  I have connection!  I finally found the network!  Alright, I’m going to cut this post short because I’m not sure how much longer I have.  Now quickly I’m going to find a song… and it’s gone again.  Goddammit!

Alright, let’s keep going with that train of thought.  I don’t mind the dependence on technology; I’ve argued for it time and time again.  If you don’t want that dependence which comes with new technologies, you can go back to the 1700s when there was no electricity.  Just… remember that the average lifespan back then was about thirty years.  And don’t forget to pack some light clothes, no air-conditioning.  See what mean?  Technology does make everything a little sweeter… and as with all new things a dependence develops.  Today the same amount of people as those who built the pyramids thousands of years ago by hand would be hard pressed to even build a fraction because they’re dependent of tools and cranes and scaffolds and everything else that goes into construction.  It’s part of human nature.  We adapt easily.  Adapting back… not so easy.

Now that’s it for me tonight (at precisely 10:30), so I’ll say goodnight to you and wait for a moment of connectivity to send this out.  I should get one at some point hopefully before my battery runs out…

Thursday: I Never Thought Disney Could Be That Good…

But then again, in the hands of Summer Stage, anything is possible.  They managed to turn Camp Rock 2 (possibly one of the cheesiest Disney movies), into a really fun and awesome musical.  The songs actually sounded great… WITHOUT autotune (which keeps most of those songs afloat in the movie), and you guys just knocked it out of the park.  I think I even laughed more than once or twice… which is a bit more than I was expecting.  And Anthony, keep bouncing.  That’s how I pick you out of the crowd.  You’re the only one who’s actually in the air while everyone is dancing.  Deisy, Masaki, Trelayna, everyone in the group who I can’t name… you guys were great.  And Mel… every time I hear you sing like that it blows me away.  All of you are amazing and I know someday I’m going to be able to brag about knowing you.  (Which is probably more than you’re going to be able to say about me).  Keep it up!

Are you all happy?  I deviated from serious for a day!  This should be cause for celebration!  I mean really, I’m not bogging you down with something really boring today… oh.  I think now I am.  Well, how about I just make this really short and give all the glory to the people who deserve it?

SONG(S) OF THE DAY: ASSORTED TRACKS FROM DRAMA (aka my uncle)

 

So this is pretty long but if you don’t have time just listen to a few minutes.  It’s Trance (music genre, not stage of hypnotism), which is this techno-y dance music, and it’s all made by my Uncle Stephen.  So here’s some free publicity man, though I’m not sure how much publicity posting anything here can get.  I can always try though right?  Goodnight guys, and savor how short this post is.  They won’t all be like that!