Seeing as this is a boring summer day with nothing to write about (besides the just-got-hit-with-a-pipe-wrench ache my mouth is still surviving after having a bunch of new stuff squashed onto my braces yesterday), I’ll try to start another recurring gag if you will. This one is pretty predictable, a top five countdown, but I’m going to try and make it as humorous as possible. Ever seen Jim Rome is Burning? That’s what I’m shooting for. So without further ado, the top five most useless things on the internet.
5: Email Spammers: Seriously, do these things ever work? I mean, just wondering if there are people dumb enough to click the pretty link that says “YoU JUst WoN 5,000,000,000,000 $$$ iN mALAysIAn EMaiL LotTeRy.” Either that spammer had just had a full night at the bar, or their caps lock button is seriously FUBAR. My other favorite is FIN-CANADEN-MEDZ-SOLD-4-CHEEP-PRICE… it’s so funny to see how far people go to beat spam filters. And even funnier when they (always) fail.
4: Farmville: What do you people see in this game? They are imaginary animals on an imaginary farm that you spend hours and hours perfecting… are you Facebook slaves? Is that it? Or do they pay you to waste more time than is humanly possible playing a game that takes the dumbest aspects of a video game and farm life and combining them into an apparently nicotine-laced Facebook app.
3: Twitter. Tell me, what is so special about twitter? It’s like the internet’s saloon… you spit out ten word sentences that usually make no sense and are followed by people you don’t even know. It’s also destroyed any chance of anyone saying anything to anyone’s face anymore… when two people have a problem they duke it out over twitter. In 140 characters or less. Sorry, but that's not a fight. It’s a shortened rap battle where the winner is probably also the dumbest in the group.
2: MySpace: It’s a useless conglomerate of servers that does nothing but take up actual space and give internet predators a little more maneuverability than Facebook. The world would probably be better if someone just accidentally poured some gasoline on its computers and dropped their cigarette. Whoops…
1: FoxNews Bing: Microsoft should stop wasting their time on a search engine that is to Google exactly what MySpace is to Facebook and spend their time on spitting out something that doesn’t completely ruin any progress the technological world has ever made. Google was there first.'
No song today, as I’m about twenty seconds from midnight. Goodnight people. See you all (figuratively) tomorrow.
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