Saturday: Vampires Really Do (Awesomely) Suck

Alright, I know I get no props for the title.  I’m just trying to see how bad something can be before it turns good, in honor of probably the worst yet funniest movie I’ve ever seen.  And I think you can probably guess what it is…

I’ve been a Twilight hater from the beginning, even after I actually did read the book over last winter break (Yeah, I know.  Relax, my manhood was gone anyway), and thought that it probably wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever read.  So, I unconditionally love anything that spoofs Twilight in any way.  And even though everyone told me that this movie was horrible, I still watched it.  And I will probably live longer now that I’ve laughed so much.

I’m serious, it’s no great cinematic feat, but it was never meant to be!  It was meant to be a Twilight spoof, and in that sense it was amazing!  Jacob turns into a Chihuahua… that in itself was ridiculously funny, nevermind his werewolf buddies dancing after that.  Then Edward looks like he’s running through the woods when he’s really riding a Segway (which, I will note, I’ve always wanted).  Then there’s the fake Bella mace-ing her dad, then there’s the dad from Wizards of Waverly Place (my sister watches a lot of Disney, don’t judge me), punching one of the other vampires in the face.  Then there’s the prom, and Edward sparkling… and the disco ball (just watch the first minute), and then the endlessly perfect spoofing of Kristen Stewart.  Finally, of course, there are the thousand or so epic quotes.

“I know what you are. You're a pale white, you dress fashionably, and you abstain from sex. I know what you are.” – “Say it, out loud.” – “A Jonas Brother!”

And then there’s probably one of the best I’ve ever heard:

"They are the evil blood suckers who only care about themselves and their own narrow vision of the world. They're kind of like Fox News."

I mean… that is comedic genius right there.  And yeah, all you critics who panned this movie as unfunny and coarse… think again.  You’re missing the big picture.  It wasn’t supposed to win an Academy Award, as you assume is the goal of most movies.  It was meant to send people crawling from the theater, clutching their gut from laughing too hard.  Great success.

SONG OF THE DAY: MYSTERIOUS WAYS

 

Now, I know this music video looks like an acid trip, but the song is amazing.  I’m serious.  I still don’t know most of the verses, but I love it anyway.  Just something about the guitar… but anyway just listen to it.

And look at that.  I need to have a free spot sometime in the next three days for last weeks Covert Affairs.  Either that or I’ll cram it in with the new one on Wednesday.  Because I still have MacGruber, Quantum of Solace, and The Lovely Bones waiting on the DVR.  Needless to say, these posts won’t be getting any shorter.  Goodnight all.